I must be too annoying 4 u.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
