Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
