Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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