Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
