If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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