she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
