I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
