We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
