I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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