Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

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  (402): Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later. http://tfl.nu/06o9
  Replies (42) Good night (6030) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..

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  (513): i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had (484): please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake.. http://tfl.nu/zph1
  Replies (29) Good night (957) Bad night (3150)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.

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  (713): Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success. http://tfl.nu/wlhs
  Replies (9) Good night (5447) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...... wtf.

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  (816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx
  Replies (25) Good night (7380) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.

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  (630): I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job. http://tfl.nu/iztl
  Replies (7) Good night (4081) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.

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  (508): dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM. http://tfl.nu/7fg3
  Replies (5) Good night (3051) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave

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  (845): she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave http://tfl.nu/ylty
  Replies (5) Good night (1042) Bad night (3019)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I need you to use more vowels.

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  (812): gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar (219): I need you to use more vowels. http://tfl.nu/cjfw
  Replies (15) Good night (8350) Bad night (1153)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.

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  (608): Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out. http://tfl.nu/np60
  Replies (10) Good night (1566) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.

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  (337): By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day. http://tfl.nu/1a9r
  Replies (7) Good night (1020) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.

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  (864): He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal. http://tfl.nu/lm83
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.

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  (573): So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it. http://tfl.nu/urr4
  Replies (4) Good night (742) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods

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  (724): Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods http://tfl.nu/tchu
  Replies (0) Good night (422) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.

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  (631): A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway. http://tfl.nu/tmel
  Replies (0) Good night (407) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.

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  (714): I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to. http://tfl.nu/hc6h
  Replies (1) Good night (216) Bad night (444)

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