Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.