I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
