Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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