I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.