i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.