I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
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Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN