Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
