and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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