I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
