My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
