i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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