I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
