I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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