I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
