"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
