absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
