If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
