got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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