I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
