look no pants
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
