But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
