my room smells like sperm. sweet.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
