when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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