I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
