You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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