my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
