bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
