he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
