Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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