New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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