Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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