i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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