someone owes me an orgasm
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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