if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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