I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
