Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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