I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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