I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
