a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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