I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
