One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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