am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
