I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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