i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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