last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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