Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
