I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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