i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
