Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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