You're so nebulous sometimes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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