I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
