I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
