So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
honey bunches of taint.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everclear isn't food dammit
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
