I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
