We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
