i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
