i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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