Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
