ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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