You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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