I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
