what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize