I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
