I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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