Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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