Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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