I'm going to jail i love you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
