watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
