I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
